In sports, you sometimes hear the phrase "he has a case of the yips." What this means is that a player has developed a mental block that makes it virtually impossible for him to complete a routine task that he has performed thousands of times in the past. Chuck Knoblauch, Rick Ankiel and Mackey Sasser are three prime examples from the world of baseball, as each player developed a "yip" when it came to the routine task of simply throwing a baseball. As a former ballplayer myself, I can verify that the yips are, in fact, real. One season, I found myself unable to throw a ball back to the pitcher from my position as catcher. This became such a problem for me that I wasn't able to play that position for the rest of the season.
Some people are more susceptible to the yips than others. Having contracted the yips once before, I know that I am probably part of that "high-risk" group of people who are likely to contract this dreaded condition again.
I mention all of this because I have no doubt whatsoever that I have developed a yip when it comes to swinging. For reasons that I cannot explain (and believe me, I've spent HOURS thinking about this over the past several months), I simply cannot get an erection when I'm in a swinging situation with another couple. This has happened (in various degrees) every time Kathleen and I have been with another couple, and it happened again last night.
Having enjoyed our first house party experience a few weeks ago, Kathleen and I decided to check out a different house party a little closer to home last night. We arrived to find a small group of people chatting in a very subdued atmosphere. For most of the night, it seemed as though we probably would not be swinging with anyone, as neither of us were particularly attracted to anyone at the party. But we had a great time just hanging out and chatting with a great group of people.
Later in the night, I excused myself to go to the rest room, and noticed that it was occupied. Standing outside the door was a woman, and we struck up a conversation as she waited for her husband. She was somewhat attractive, and she seemed interested in me, so I was enjoying our flirty interaction. On a whim, I leaned in and kissed her, and she returned my kiss with great enthusiasm and passion. It was such a hot moment, I found myself instantly sporting a rock-hard erection.
Now, for the past several weeks, I've been telling myself that my problems of the past are over, and this erection confirmed that for me. The woman's husband eventually came out of the bathroom to find his wife making out with a stranger in the hallway. We exchanged pleasantries, and went our separate ways.
When I came out of the bathroom, I found Kathleen and told her what had happened. She was completely turned on just hearing about my story, and insisted that I go and find this woman immediately. So I took a stroll downstairs, found her, and we picked up our flirting/making-out where we had left off. Eventually, Kathleen joined us, and the woman's husband took an immediate interest in her.
Another couple had joined us at this point, and I soon found myself sandwiched between two women, as we all took turns kissing and fondeling each other. All six of us then headed into the nearest playroom, where the woman I had originally been making out with dropped to her knees and began sucking my cock.
Back in the days when situations like this one were nothing but a fantasy (or a scene in a porn movie), I would have become instantly aroused just thinking about such a thing. But there I was, in a room full of naked people, with my wife to my left, on her knees in front of a man she had just met, and a woman I had just met on her knees in front of me, practically begging my cock to come to life...and I was completely limp.
Once again, I found myself in the awkward position of having to explain that it sometimes takes me awhile to get going. I asked my play partner to lie down on the bed, and I proceeded to go down on her, bringing her to a very wet orgasm. Like Kathleen, this woman was a squirter -- only more so. Normally, it would be a huge turn-on for me to give a woman such pleasure. But in this case, it did nothing for me. I remained as limp as ever.
While I was going down on my new friend, Kathleen's play partner had left her to fuck the third woman in the room, leaving Kathleen on her knees, staring up at a man she had never met. "Hi, I'm Kathleen," she said. And instead of shaking hands, she sucked his cock. Such is the life of a swinger. That one-liner evoked big laughs in the room, and it should have eased whatever tension I had felt. But in all honesty, I wasn't feeling tense or nervous. The only thing causing me any anxiety whatsoever was the fact that I couldn't get a hard-on. I had contracted "the yips" all over again.
The third woman in the room was the next to attempt to get me hard, and she, too, failed. Next, Kathleen strolled over and gave it her best shot. If she couldn't do it, no one could. And she couldn't. Three different women had taken turns sucking me off, and I was no closer to an erection than I was when I'd entered the room. The situation defied all logic whatsoever. We gathered our clothes and escaped from the room with as much dignity remaining as possible.
I have weighed every excuse imaginable to explain this latest case of the yips, and each and every one fails the test. They say the yips are caused by fear, yet I honestly cannot think of anything that I fear in those situations -- except the inability to perform, which I wouldn't feel if I didn't have the yips! It is beyond humiliating -- it is permanently scarring my ego. And I really don't know how many more times I can get back on that bicycle and try to push through it.
I've tried every trick in the book, from taking medication, to practicing relaxation techniques, to focusing completely on my own pleasure, to adopting a carefree attitude that no matter what happens I'll find a way to have fun. Nothing works. But I WANT to make it work SO badly, I can taste it. I am living every man's fantasy. It is absolutely foolish that I'm not able to fully enjoy myself. And I'm bound and determined to find a way to make this work.
The shocking twist to this story is that less than an hour after this episode occurred, I was rock hard and having fantastic sex in a different playroom. But that's a story for another time.
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